Absolute Tan

About this location

A few stories people tell about this place

1. At dawn, when Absolute Tan was just opening its doors for the day, a delivery driver noticed something unusual: the neon sign kept flashing not ‘Tan’, but ‘Tangent’—as if someone had accidentally swapped out one letter in the middle of the night. Curious, he mentioned it to no one but his cat that night. The next morning, the sign read normally again. But from then on, whenever anyone asked what services were offered there, our delivery guy would wink and whisper, ‘It’s where you get your daily dose of tangent!’

2. At dawn, when Absolute Tan was just opening its doors for the day, a delivery driver asked with a straight face: ‘Can I get my package tanned today?’ The manager blinked and replied, ‘Certainly not! We only tan people here.’ The delivery guy laughed it off and drove away, muttering something about how he should’ve known better than to ask such an obvious question. From then on, Absolute Tan became known as the place where even packages got a little sunshine every now and then.

3. At dawn, when Absolute Tan was just opening its doors for the day, a delivery driver noticed something strange: every morning, right before sunrise, an elderly gentleman would emerge from behind the nearby trees and walk straight into the tanning booth. The delivery driver watched in amusement as the old man emerged each morning like clockwork. One day, deciding to be friendly, he asked, ‘Sir, why do you always come here so early?’ The man replied with a twinkle in his eye, ‘I’m not tanning, sonny—this is my secret spot to watch the sunrise without anyone bothering me!’ And they both laughed, realizing that sometimes life’s best moments happen in unexpected places.

4. At dawn, when Absolute Tan was just opening its doors for the day, a delivery driver arrived with an unusual package: a live parrot that kept screaming ‘I’m tanning here!’ until everyone inside started laughing. As the sun rose higher, so did the volume of the parrot’s voice—until one customer, a regular who always came in early for his coffee and newspaper, couldn’t help but comment: ‘Hey, birdie, maybe you should try our new facial instead?’ Everyone burst out laughing again, even the parrot seemed to smile—and suddenly it flapped away through an open window, never to be seen again. Some say it still hangs around Absolute Tan on cloudy days, reminding everyone how good they look after a perfect tan.