Fort Eisenhower Commissary

About this location

A few stories people tell about this place

1. One morning, as a regular was checking out, the cashier said, ‘Sir, I’ve noticed you buy the same thing every week.’ The man replied, ‘Yes, ma’am, it’s my secret recipe for success!’ The cashier smiled and asked curiously, ‘Really? What is it?’ With a twinkle in his eye, the man whispered, ‘It’s classified information!’ And with that, he paid for his groceries and left, leaving the cashier pondering what could possibly be so secretive about a weekly shopping list.

2. At dawn, when most commissaries are emptying their shelves, a delivery driver noticed something peculiar in the dairy section. Upon closer inspection, he found that someone had arranged the milk cartons into the shape of a tiny tank—complete with little turrets made from cheese slices. A note attached read: ‘For your defense, sir.’ The delivery driver laughed and shook his head, muttering, “Some neighbors you got here.”

3. At midnight, when Fort Eisenhower’s streets fall silent, a delivery driver noticed an unusual sign taped to the commissary door: ‘Closed for secret military rations inspection.’ Curious, he knocked on the door—nothing. Peering inside, he saw rows of empty shelves and a lone cart filled with cans labeled ‘Top Secret.’ Just then, a voice whispered from behind him: ‘Hey, pal, next time use your keycard!’ Turning around, he found himself face-to-face with a sleepy-looking security guard named Joe who offered him a coffee and a smile.

4. At closing time, when the last shopper had left, a delivery driver noticed an unfamiliar box on the loading dock. Curious, he opened it and found only a bag of mysterious candies with a note inside: ‘For your sweet tooth.’ Turned out, a neighbor was playing a prank, leaving boxes for late-night workers. The delivery driver grinned, thinking, ‘Next time I’ll check the dock before dark!’